At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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