never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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