I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
