i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize