Apparently you make a good broom.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
sex in a hospital.. check
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize