he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
