Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
