He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
