He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
