Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
