so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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