Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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