Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize