I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
