3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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