her vagine was all disorganized.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
