How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
