God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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