Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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