I just cut my nipple shaving
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
