So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
