so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
