well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
