fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Come see our sink grown plant.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
