Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
