WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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