i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
