I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We had to coat check the pizza.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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