Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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