just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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