smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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