dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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