I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
