So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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