i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Someone came in the potted fern
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
