I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
