Im at strip club and am horny
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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