It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
