Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's rum buckets o'clock
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
