i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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