we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
