Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
