Kareoke will never be a sober sport
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Drunk is not a location!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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