Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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