Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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