Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
