Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize