Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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