whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize