i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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