I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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