It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
