Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
