I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize