theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
