I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
