I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
