new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
