Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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