She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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