So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
