Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
