The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Boobs are out for the taking
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize