she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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