I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You smell like a Billy Joel song
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Vodka?
Forever.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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