You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
