so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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