I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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