I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
