I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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