my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
