isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
