HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
