Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
