Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
