I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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