Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
