I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
