Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
