my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize