My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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