Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
they're like a gay fantastic four
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
