Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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