did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
