dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I cut my penus on the lid.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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