Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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