So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
