Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
as a side note pls kill me
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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