Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
