my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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