Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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