Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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