Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
