I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
