I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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