spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
