i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think weed is turning my hair brown
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
