i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
