he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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