I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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