Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
So squirting runs in the family.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize