I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
