somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
