Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
