We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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