The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
