then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
