We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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