What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
