I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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