Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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