You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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